Zuko Explains — Marriage

Zuko Explains Marriage

🐾 Marriage What is it really?

📜 Introduction

Marriage is God’s covenantal design for a man and a woman to become “one flesh,” partnering in love, faithfulness, and mission under Christ (Gen 2:24; Matt 19:4–6).  It is a wonderful 'mystery' how we are to work, live and love together the way God made us to.  Paul affirms that it is Ok for us to want to be single if we can (1 Cor. 7), but in some ways, we can be much stronger if we are two.

This page is set up not as a self help page.  It is best to have a mentor or counsellor involved if you are having problems.  You both must have pre-marital counselling if you are considering getting married.  There are sections in this site for mentors to go through that stuff with you. 

If you want a head start or a tune up then this page may help you.  As always the Scripture and Prayer are the important parts.  The rest is just nice to have.  The scripture must be done using one of the SOS methods.  Only the references are listed here.  The work and the benefit is in the Self Discovery Bible Study that uses these references.  These verses are only a sample taster.  If you are here for a particular reason  then do a deep dive SOS.  Remember that marriage is one of God's true gifts to us.  Enjoy it but treat it with the respect that He gave it. 

📖 Key Scriptures (one-line memory summaries)

These are useless without systematic Self Discovery Bible Study.  SOS Basics for 90% of people. SOS - Next Level for all these articles in general. SOS - Squared for deep dive study (1% of people). (The 'one liners' are only so you can find it again quickly and not a study summary.)

  • Genesis 2:24 💍 — A man leaves his parents and becomes one with his wife.
  • Proverbs 18:22 🌿 — Finding a wife is a good thing and brings God’s favor.
  • Ephesians 5:25 ❤️ — Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church.
  • Ephesians 5:22 🙏 — Wives are to respect and submit to their husbands as to the Lord.
  • Ephesians 5:31–32 📍 — The 'Mystery' of a Man and a Wife becoming one as Christ and the Church are one.
  • 1 Corinthians 13:4–8a 💞 — Love is patient, kind, enduring—it never fails.
  • 1 Peter 3:7 🕊️ — Husbands should honor their wives as co-heirs of grace.
  • Colossians 3:18–19 🪶 — Wives submit, husbands love—both in gentleness.
  • Ecclesiastes 4:9–12 🤝 — Two are better than one; together they are stronger.
  • Malachi 2:14–16 🔥 — God is witness to the marriage covenant; He hates divorce.
  • Matthew 19:5–6 ✝️ — What God has joined together, let no one separate.
🧰 Helpful Tools
❤️ What Is Love Supposed to Be? — Own It (1 Corinthians 13)

This is a simple but powerful exercise based on your earlier Self Discovery Bible Study on 1 Corinthians 13:4–8a. These verses describe the kind of love God designed us to show toward each other — especially toward our husband or wife.

This time, instead of studying the passage in general, you are going to own it personally.

💡 Instructions: Read the verses below and insert your spouse’s name wherever the word “love” appears. 
If your name is Judy and your partner’s name is John, then you would read it like this: “John is patient, John is kind. John does not envy… John always protects…”

Take turns. Be gentle. Listen to each other. Let God’s description of love shape how you see your partner — and how you treat them.

📖 1 Corinthians 13:4–8a (ESV, arranged for your exercise)

________ is patient and ________ is kind. 
________ does not envy. 
________ does not boast. 
________ is not arrogant. 
________ is not rude. 
________ does not insist on his/her own way. 
________ is not irritable. 
________ is not resentful. 
________ does not rejoice at wrongdoing, 
but ________ rejoices with the truth. 

________ bears all things, 
________ believes all things, 
________ hopes all things, 
________ endures all things. 

________ never fails.

🪙 The Marriage Coin
Two sides to the same coin

Picture: Marriage is two sides of the same coin—husband and wife—different in appearance yet inseparable. Coins have sides that are different (heads & tails).  A two headed coin is a mistake. You cannot split a real coin without destroying it. God is the metal that forms and holds both sides together.  Key scriptures (some listed above) often describe one side of the coin or the other.  For a marriage to work as God intended, make sure you are doing your job on your side of the coin before offering to help on the other side.  In some seasons roles may reverse but they are the exceptions and not meant to be the rule.  Remember, these are not laws to beat each other up with.  Remember 1 Cor. 13 for example. Remember Christ has given you grace and forgiveness, make sure you extend the same to the one you love.

⛽ The Love Tank
The Love Tank

Use this as a simple self-check: 

  • Is my spouse’s “love tank” running Full, Half, or Empty? What can I do today to fill it?
  • Have I left the main tap fully closed?  Or have I inadvertently opened their tap and started to empty it? (a major mistake by you might mean that love is pouring out rapidly via that tap you left open.) How can you repair this? (Shut the tap off?)
  • Husbands: Look at the link above. Many women have a “drip” — a constant slow leak at the bottom of their tank, even if the tap is left closed. Love must be topped up regularly.  If you fail to do this the tank will run dry eventually.  It will take a lot longer than if you turned the tap on, but nevertheless it will eventually happen if you neglect to keep topping it back up!
  • What about you? Do you have a tap or a leak? How do you gently communicate that to your spouse?
💑 Understanding Differences: Why We Don’t Think the Same

In marriage it’s easy to assume everyone sees things the way you do — but we don’t. There are tools to help you understand your spouse. Below are two well-known ones: the 5 Love Languages and the Myers–Briggs personality types.

💬 Five Love Languages (quick reminder)

Dr. Gary Chapman (1992) described five “love languages.” Choose the one that speaks most deeply to you.

  1. Words of Affirmation 🗣️
  2. Acts of Service 🧹
  3. Receiving Gifts 🎁
  4. Quality Time ⏰
  5. Physical Touch 🤝

Rank them 1–5. Compare with your spouse. Learn their “language.” Love sacrificially.

🔤 What is MBTI?

What is the MB Personality Tool?

The MB (Myers–Briggs) personality tool is a simple way to understand how people naturally see the world and make decisions. It doesn’t measure intelligence or spiritual maturity — it just highlights natural preferences. Many couples find it helpful because it explains why two people can react so differently to the same situation. The goal is not to label anyone but to understand each other’s strengths and stress points so you can love each other better.

At the bottom (3.) you can find a link to a simplified version of the test. The full version takes over an hour.  This fun test is about 80% accurate and only takes 5 minutes.   For each of the four areas of your life you pick one of the letter options.  You then put your final four letters together and look up the code it makes to find your personality type.  People are complex and don't fit neatly into boxes.  You may find that 1. You have some different modes that you operate at (EG work and home). Or 2. As you grow in Christ and in your marriage you may find the Holy Spirit helping you to grow in a different direction that the Lord thinks is better for you.  I was once an INTP before Christ, 40 years later I am probably more an INFP now. My work in the Kingdom reflects this change over the years. 

The MBTI identifies four preference pairs:

  • Extraversion (E) vs Introversion (I)
  • Sensing (S) vs Intuition (N)
  • Thinking (T) vs Feeling (F)
  • Judging (J) vs Perceiving (P)

MB Personality Preferences (Simple Explanation)

1. Extraversion (E) vs Introversion (I)

  • Extraversion (E):
    Gets energy from being around people, talking things out, and engaging with the outside world. Often processes ideas out loud.

  • Introversion (I):
    Gets energy from quiet, reflection, and personal space. Often processes ideas internally before speaking.

Example Key idea:
Where do you recharge — with others (E) or alone (I)?

2. Sensing (S) vs Intuition (N)

  • Sensing (S):
    Notices details, facts, and what is real and practical right now. Prefers step-by-step information and concrete examples.

  • Intuition (N):
    Looks for patterns, possibilities, and the “big picture.” Enjoys ideas, connections, and thinking about the future.

Example Key idea:
Do you focus on what you can see and touch (S), or on what it could become (N)?

3. Thinking (T) vs Feeling (F)

  • Thinking (T):
    Makes decisions using logic, fairness, and objective analysis. Asks “What is the most reasonable choice?”

  • Feeling (F):
    Makes decisions based on values, harmony, and how choices affect people. Asks “What is the most caring choice?”

Example Key idea:
Do you decide with the head (T) or with the heart (F)?

4. Judging (J) vs Perceiving (P)

  • Judging (J):
    Likes structure, plans, closure, and finishing things. Prefers to make decisions and move forward.

  • Perceiving (P):
    Likes flexibility, spontaneity, and keeping options open. Prefers to adapt as things unfold.

Example Key idea:
Do you prefer things settled (J) or open and adaptable (P)?

🤝 1. Why this matters in marriage

You and your partner may see the world in completely different ways. That doesn’t mean one of you is right and the other is wrong — it simply means you have different natural preferences. When you understand this, you stop taking things personally and start working with each other instead of against each other.

Different personality types can:

  • misunderstand each other’s motives

  • communicate in different ways

  • react to stress differently

  • make decisions for different reasons

  • show love in different styles

When you realise your partner isn’t trying to frustrate you — they simply think differently — it creates more patience, respect, and compassion.
Instead of saying, “Why aren’t you like me?” the question becomes, “How can I love you the way you are wired?”

📋 2. The 16 Types & a Quick Summary

A short label for each type:

  • ISTJ – The Inspector
  • ISFJ – The Protector
  • INFJ – The Advocate
  • INTJ – The Architect
  • ISTP – The Virtuoso
  • ISFP – The Adventurer
  • INFP – The Mediator
  • INTP – The Logician
  • ESTP – The Entrepreneur
  • ESFP – The Entertainer
  • ENFP – The Campaigner
  • ENTP – The Debater
  • ESTJ – The Director
📋 3. Take A Fun Fast and Quite Accurate Test Now

As already stated the very accurate takes over an hour to do! This fun test is about 80% accurate and only takes 5 minutes. You can have some fun exploring your type and that of your partner's using the light-hearted Simpson’s Characters MB Test, which gives each type a matching Simpsons character and a short description.  (Their descriptions may differ from the categories we have listed but they are the same, they may just focused on another trait that personality type also possesses.)  

If you follow the link and go to the very bottom of the page you will see a power point slide presentation. Go there and find your personality type.

👉 Simple Simpsons Slide Show. Go to the bottom of the page and find slide show. Read slides and note the 4 Letters.  

👉 Proper Simpsons Test This site does the test and gives you the character.  It is more accurate than the above site, but unfortunately, currently this page does not give the 4 letter code? you will have to look up what the four letter code and description is for your character on the above slide show.  It is more accurate and fun. It may be worth the effort.  (this site is temporarily down? https://www.similarminds.com/simpsons-mbti.html)

👉 This is a more formal and accurate test but takes longer. A longer test than the others but still much shorter than the full test.  (It pegged me right though.) Give it a go!

We will also provide an archived version in case the site is taken down.  The archive may load slower.

 

📋 Laugh your way to a better marriage

Here are some very funny but seriously good advice.  In case one day it gets taken down from youtube, I have provided an archive link but it will load much slower.

 
❤️ Need some more help?

For a very small and reasonable donation we can also offer:

  •  Pre-Marital Counselling - for couples contemplating getting engaged
  • Post-Marital Counselling - for couples when life hits you where it hurts.

For these possible services please just contact us here. 

 

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